.balancing act. photo by me

Learning how to balance my dreams and my reality are difficult for me. I know exactly what I want but I’m having trouble making those things happen. This causes me to feel a bit unbalanced and gives me the feeling of neither “here”or “there”

When I was younger I was told I had a.d.d. – I was even medicated for this for several years of my young adult life. At age 18 I made the decision to stop taking these medications. I wanted to be free. Even if this meant.. being wild, untamed, and messy ( messy with myself, people that loved me, and rules). Needless to say.. my life is and has been interesting and unpredictable. I’ve made a lot of random choices, mistakes, and it’s gotten me almost everywhere I want to be. Up until recently- I’ve been doing fine with being beautifully messy.  Now.. it’s just not working for me anymore. I feel so unbalanced and a bit overwhelmed. I see the finish line but it’s far away and there are thousands of little holes, mountains, puddles, voids…

Everyone tells me that what stands between me and my dreams- is myself. I don’t quite agree with this. Life, money, location… equipment and lack of- those things are real and hard.. Those things stand in my way.

I’ve been a terrible blogger on this particular blog. I wanted to make this blog more about business and my Etsy store. I realize that just isn’t going to work for me. The reason I have been a terrible blogger is because- I’m a terrible blogger! I’m pretty boring if all I’m going to do is – post expensive items of beautiful things I desire but will never buy. Don’t get me wrong. I love those big whig blogs to. .. that being said.. it’s just not me.  So I’m going to do things my way. Messy.

SO the reason for this photo requires back story.

Awhile back.. I used to be an Au Pair in the Netherlands. Every day I took photo’s documenting my life using the children as tools of learning to further my photography skills- and represent what was going on in my life. Photography made me feel alive. I decided I wanted to do this for the rest of my life. Now being that I’m not an Au Pair anymore- my photography seems to have stopped…  I decided today that even though I’m struggling, unbalanced, homesick, stressed beyond belief, and I don’t have the best equipment… I’m back.

You’re going to be seeing a lot more of me. Maybe not with words… ( you can read my personal blog for that).  But with my photo’s. I need to find myself again- and the only way I know how is to “click”

I’m going to start doing flickr again. I think it will save me. If you have a flickr feel free to visit me! otherwise I’ll most mini photo’s here ( when I remember to) smile!


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